Cincinnati Reds Bat With Giant Pretzels, Lose to Milwaukee Brewers
By Adam Hughes
There’s just no hiding the Reds’ offensive fire-power this season! Mandatory Credit: David Kohl-USA TODAY Sports
In an attempt to turn around their offensive fortunes, the Cincinnati Reds showed up with a supply of giant 32-ounce pretzel sticks today at Great American Ballpark, in lieu of what they have alleged to be bats over the last week or so. It was a novel idea with some theoretical merit, but the crunchy carbohydrates just ended up rubbing salt in Homer Bailey’s wounds, as the Reds’ starter lost a tight 1-0 decision to the first-place Milwaukee Brewers.
Milwaukee starter Matt Garza held the Reds hitless through four innings, and there were whispers that he had found a way to sog the pretzels with a special concoction shipped in from Brew city. Cincy second baseman Brandon Phillips eventually put those fears to rest when he singled to lead off the fifth inning, snacking on his “bat” as he headed down the first-base line. Evidently still trying to pick pieces out of his teeth, Phillips was doubled off first when Jay Bruce smashed a crumby line drive.
Swizzle-stick hitter Zack Cozart double in the sixth inning to prove the pretzels might have teeth, but that was the end of the Reds’ offensive attack. Well, aside from two late walks, that is; but you don’t really need any kind of stick to pick up walks, right?
For his part, Bailey made the Brewers’ hitters look like Reds’ hitters after he gave up a run in the top of the first. On the night, he struck out eight, walked four, and allowed seven hits over eight innings. There is one school of thought that suggests the Brewers followed the Reds’ lead down the snack aisle, but just a tick too late for ol’ Homer’s benefit.
It’s unclear at this point what kind of weapons the Reds plan to wield in tomorrow’s series finale, but Cincinnati fans can be sure of one thing: the hits just keep on coming with this team, sometimes even two or three per game. If this keeps up, MLB may have to ask the Reds to drop their balls AND their pretzels into a humidor before each contest.
I mean, that would only be fair, right?